Monday, July 19, 2010

You were the only reason i'd sing, and i'd take your hand and sing u songs, anytime..

This post shall be anchored here, for personal reasons, and for a reminder, that emotions is a dwindling road to travel, should there be any doubt on the subject matter, go on ahead, comment me. Old flames die hard, and this'll die harderst.
Originally posted in July 2008. scroll down to the next post for a more updated entry. thank you

Tonight, i open my emotions for you to read.


There a not many nights where I have found myself sleepless.

During the worst of things, I would wake up in mid sleep, heart racing, wishing some things are just nightmares I could wake up from.

not this time. This time its just too real.

Defeated, best describes what I am feeling inside.

How else would you feel, when all that you could ever wanted is now out of reach. When you so far have tried within your capacity to reach for it, and you yearn for it so much you could almost taste it, only to have it broken. When you tried for so long, and finally can muster up the courage to stand up, only to be told to sit down without question.
Without even a proper chance.

How should you take it when you have been standing here waiting in queue, only to know that you were never in line in the first place. To find that there is another queue, without your knowledge, that you are only what you have been doing, in queue to nothing.

I have never been the type who has his emotions on his sleeve, readily readable.But if i have to do this to make you realize, then let it be so. I'll try anything.

There has only been few reasons why there is a song in me, a reason for me to sing as horrible my voice may be. There has been a reason why there is an opera inside me. Now, every song I try to sing traces back to this uneasy feeling. You are every tune I hum, every song I sing, there is not doubt there.

Maybe i tried to hard to make people smile, to make you smile. But was I ever wrong in doing so?

If this thing follows on through, as one of my deepest fears, i cannot imagine ever coming over it.
Life is staring me right in the face and is blankly stating:

You have failed miserably, and there is nothing else you can do.

All I ever wanted was to be happy, to be the one who can provide your happiness.

No wind, no clouds, thunder strikes.

Years worth of relationship can end in three words. Three words is apparently all it takes. And those three words, with you and your voice saying it, will haunt me forever.

All i can hope is for a chance, for me to try and make things better. I am ready to care with all my capacity, with all that is human in me. Please, dont let this be a thing of the past for anyone. Please, make this into a future, make this something that is only waiting to happen.

If your qualm is in taking back your word, dont be. I am willing to bear any consequences, blame everything on me. Blame it on me, and take none for you. I will readily take the blame for you.

For once, i am on my knees.

Let me be the reason for your smiles.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Tun M,chan hall

Our respectd chancelor giving a public lecture.talks on National identity and power still amazes me hw strng ths man is at his age.hpefully Tun still arnd when i grad nxt year.

Friday, August 15, 2008

I miss, but im not showing. save me superman..

There's too much angst and stuff in last few post..

lets cheer things up a bit here..


Things are now starting to pick up pace..after lag and drag, with the brain still not in proper working condition, things are finally starting to make sense around here.

Being the senior on campus feels like....normal.. i thought there would be a sense of pride in being in the final year, making it thru 3 years in 1 piece, but i was wrong..feel like any normal day in sunny Tronoh.;p

owh..the only thing i can feel is,
"fish, i don't want to read no books no more!!"

8 months without worrying about tests and assignments tend to mellow u down abit..

my brain definitely needed thawing..

but hey, its already the fourth week, and there a new light coming in on things..the kinda light that makes u realize some things, and see some that has not been seen before.

FYP is currently under construction, which is always a good thing..
Intelligent Control for Process Control..
yeah2, sounds fancy, but honest to God i have no idea what it meant first i heard of it..;p
got a year to work on it..shudnt be too difficult..kan?...kan?

entah..if any control specialist outhere ken help..please comment..;p

its my pledge, to myself that the final year i have here in Tronoh would be one i would remember, in honor of that pledge, i decided to join any event that is joinable..
the first for this year is the Treasure Hunt Competition.
ok, joined this way back in first year...din win zilch..well, we did win a mug thru a lucky draw..but that doesnt count..
this time round however, we made it top ten!
no. 8..
not something great its just something worth remembering for the years to come.
enuf words. just c pikas..

Team Ethnies, in a moving bipolar junction transistor..hahaha (EE ppl will smile ;p)

sesi meniru jawapan berjemaah...anything for a win huh ladies?

smile people~

their faces says it all..."we have never seen a tractor before!"

lastik championship. i sucked..(-_-")

team 40. nice work ladies and gentleman

menang laa samting at the very least..huhuh

someting nice happens once in a while.huhu...pray for more to come..


i superman lives his life..

i mean, he calls to people's aid, flying in with the speed of sound anytime of the day....

people always remember him in times of need..but when nobody is in trouble..he's not called on..

i mean, dont ppl invite him over for tea or samting?

unrealistic, i noe..but i do the people of metropolis ever invites him round for dinner or a spot of tea with crumpets?

remembered when needed, forgotten when away.

if ure up there superman..i feel for u.


any grammar freaks out there. i noe there are some major err up there..turn a blind eye towards it..its 6 frickin a.m....and i need sleep..


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I wondered, who came across your mind when u decided. Was it you, was it me. Its apparent it was never us.

There has always been an issue, in trust.

When we trust, we put all doubts on hold, and as wrong as it may feel, we prolong and persevere, because in trust we believe.

Trust is what makes people mix with each other and days go on.Its in trust, we nurture hope.

I trust that this bank will keep my money safe, so i invest.

I trust that there you will be there when i caome, so i shall go on a date with u.

I trust that you wont kill me, so i shall walk with u.

Its in this moral fiber, that we are able to coinhibit with one another, in peace, and happily.
It is in with this moral fiber, that we,man and women alike, are able to put our lives in the hands of others.

In trust, we trust.

So, what happens when this virtue, this piece of human emotion, is not upheld?

People break apart. Institutions collapse,dissapoinment and sense of deficieny arises. And we trust no more.

How can you have betrayed my trust.

It can take years to build, but only moments to shatter.Once shattered, it remains as it is, fragments of a distant memory, of what we once had hope in.

The question is now, how do you react to having trust destroyed?
rise up, and try to build it again?
or build it elsewhere.

memories of what was will pull us toward building another castle to in place of that which has rubbled. But is it really worth it. Are we that forgiving of a person to let bygone be bygone, and take it in stride that some have stabbed you, knowingly.

Those distant memories now seem scenic. And you'd have to wonder, how much of it were actually honest, sincere.

And we prayed for sincerity, and I have been sincere in all my actions.

I write with partial angst, and my view may have been obscured by the wave of my only human emotions.

Tried to see with eyes unclouded, and failed.

For those who have others trust entrusted, keep them well. Be honored, people have faith in you.

For those who have their trust belittled, you are not alone.

And for those who have chosen to betray trust, I have no words to say other than, im sorry you had to make that choice.


We try to forgive, but we can never forget. As do most elephants. -o0-

Thursday, August 7, 2008

"And now i know, when I felt missing, u felt nothing. And i used to wonder why angels like you had enemies."

6 am, friday..

i think im up for a quick type..very quick

no, im not reviving this space fully yet..but i feel that I have too much canned up inside to sleep.


its amazing how some things can sometimes take a sharp turn. from being on a fairly forward road, suddenly coming into a turnpike that most likely came as abruptly as it left. while some sudden upheavals are welcome, some are more or less..feared..

fear..not sure its the entirely correct term to use..
hands shake, palms break in a sweats, and you hyperventilate.

things we fear, seems to always creep on us, doesn't it?
you scared of cockroaches?
bam, there'll be one on ur bed.

you scared of embarassing urself?
bam, u fall face flat whilst walking on stage.

if u fear, fear itself..bam!! out comes satan from hell itself.

point is..everybody fears, and anticipating its coming is what drives some people crazy.
drives some people into depression. drives some people into insomnia. some, to suicide.

the most common fear? I would have to put my money on one.

fear of change.

things change, people change, and perceptions change. and its these changes that some fear for their life, fear that they are inadequate to adjust to, and they break into pieces miserably way even before anything happens.

is u still in one piece mista?

ignorance is bliss.

hope is overrated

life is a dream.

ramblings, but its whats keeping me up and keeping me sane.

Friday, July 18, 2008


interesting year this is going to be.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Eton gemok sket

Sale,gadis gadis pergi shpng baju+kasut. Me?i go gadget